Get up close and personal with your favourite Conservative politicians!*
Fast, Easy, Undemocratic. Give Cash for Policies, Privatisations, and Public Finance Initiatives!
Welcome to Cash4Access United Kingdom, where getting access to your elected representatives has never been more expensive.
Follow these three simple steps to SELL OUT YOUR COUNTRY ONLINE:
1
Complete the form
Optionally, get your secretary to do it.
2
Give us your money
Cash, wire transfer, or direct deposit with Reg at the Bank of England.
3
Do not be a tabloid journalist
Seriously, we're really bad at detecting them.
Rich Stories, Rich People
"I donated money to the Conservative party, and in an entirely coincidental dinner party I talked to David Cameron! Then, as a complete fluke, the government introduced new policies that saved my company millions of pounds!"*
*Allegedly
Order YOUR Conservative politician today and turn your ideas into policy!
| David Cameron | Our premium offering, from £250,000. Comes with free Clegg. | |
| William Hague | £100,000. If you'd like some British souvenirs, like the M25, this is the man to talk to. | |
| George Osborne | £1,000. It would be more, but he doesn't really understand "decimal places". | |
| Theresa May | £20,000. Minister for Equality, and Secretary of State for the Home. How the feminists haven't noticed that little in-joke yet, we're not sure. | |
| £30,000. Currently unavailable due to strong demand from health companies. | ||
| Lembit Opik | £25. He's not a Tory, but seriously, we can't get rid of him out of Parliament. Anyone? Please? |
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Unavailable due to tabloid investigations. Try again when the heat's died down.